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How to fix the NBA by Bill Simmons: Plenty of good salary cap & playoff format ideas

14 Jul

Bill Simmons has outdone himself with this latest piece on what should be done to fix the NBA:

Here’s the article:

Greed in its rawest form. That’s the National Football League’s lockout. Both sides were like two billionaire drug cartels splitting up a massive cocaine shipment who got pissed off and just started shooting each other. “You took too much! I saw that!!!” They will settle next week and slink into the sunset with their kilos. We’ll forgive them immediately because we love football and just want our Sundays back. The end.

Stubbornness in its rawest form. That’s the National Basketball Association’s lockout. The owners want to “fix” the system without actually fixing it. The players want everything to remain the same even if that “same” makes no sense. Both sides spent the past few weeks poking holes in each other’s arguments, leaking unflattering tidbits to trusted writers1 and excreting code-word spin control BS like “we’re unified” and “we’re in this for the long haul.” I never heard anyone say the words, “Hold on a second … what’s really wrong here?”

You know what it reminds me of, actually? That scene in Dave after Bill Mitchell impersonator Dave Kovic (played by Kevin Kline) secretly takes over Mitchell’s presidency, when Dave gets his nerdy accountant buddy (played by Charles Grodin) to balance the budget so they can save the First Lady’s homeless program. They meet with the Cabinet, and Dave starts laying out Grodin’s ideas. What if we slashed this by $47 million? What if we cut this program, that’s another $50 million? Every decision is totally logical. Dave ends up finding the extra money in about six minutes, followed by the Cabinet applauding in disbelief.2

Totally improbable scene … and yet, you feel like it’s totally probable as you’re watching it. Why? Because Dave threw out everyone’s agendas and said, “This is extremely important to me, we’re not leaving this room until we figure it out.” Then he did it.

With the NBA’s lockout, we’re hopelessly mired in the “he said/she said” phase of things … only we’re stuck with David instead of Dave. If Dave’s owners lost $340 million last year, he wouldn’t say, “We need to get that money back from the players!” No, he’d say things like, “Wow, David did a terrible job, I can’t believe he left me this mess” and “How could a league that just enjoyed one of its best and most interesting seasons ever be losing money?” Then Dave would gather everyone in a room and figure it out. Maybe not in six minutes … but he’d figure it out.

Let’s tackle the key issues and figure out how Dave (not David) would handle them.

Issue No. 1: The owners lost $340 million last season.

Or so they claim. In retrospect, making a huge deal about opening their books was the league’s smartest move of 2011, narrowly edging Stern’s forcing LeBron to throw the Finals so that Miami’s next season would be more compelling.3 I know it threw me off the scent. They opened their books? That’s enough for me! The Players Association examined all 30 teams and flagged some creative accounting, with Billy Hunter even telling ESPN.com’s Henry Abbott, “If you don’t count interest and depreciation, you already lop off $250 [million] of the 370 million dollars.”4

I have no idea what this means, and frankly, I’m not sure Hunter does, either. But once the sports blogs started stirring things up, that led to (ESPN.com’s cap consigliore) Larry Coon’s concluding the NBA’s number was flimsy at best; Nate Silver’s writing a New York Times blog titled “Calling Foul on the NBA’s Claim of Financial Distress”; the NBA’s putting out a press release disputing Silver’s piece;5 and my spending 10 minutes trying to figure out what “amortization” meant (and failing). This was not how I wanted to spend my summer.

What Dave would tell the owners: “Can we please stop claiming that we lost $340 million? That number can be picked apart too easily. Instead, let’s bang home the point that our league stopped being profitable — which is 100 percent true — and we’re committed to making it profitable again. Let’s take a little responsibility, as well — after all, we just had one of the best seasons in league history and lost money. We should all be ashamed. And also, please remember — nobody is going to feel sorry for you guys because you’re all fucking rich. Well, except for you, George, Joe and Gavin. But from now on, scrap the ‘woe is us, we’re losing money, boo hoo’ routine. We’re just shining a neon spotlight on our own incompetence. Enough. Shut up.”

Issue No. 2: The players are currently getting too big of a revenue share.

The last labor deal guaranteed players 57 percent of basketball-related revenue (better known as “BRI”). If the league makes X.X billion dollars in a season, the owners HAVE to spend exactly 57 percent of that X.X billion on salaries.6 The owners believe that number is too high. And actually, they’re right. By including a luxury tax in the previous two labor deals, they assumed it would frighten teams from overpaying players. Nope. If anything, it’s turned into something of a Jedi mind trick. You can’t win unless you’re overpaying players. Open your wallets. Open them. Our past four champions were luxury tax teams. Not a coincidence. As deputy commissioner Adam Silver told the New York Times, “We had predicted the tax would be more of a drag on salaries than it’s turned out to be. It became business as usual to pay the tax, and therefore it created a league of haves and have-nots, where you have the Lakers at $110 million and Sacramento at $45 million.”

What Dave would tell the owners: “Fifty-seven percent was too high, and the tax created more problems than it solved. I get that. But with all due respect to Real Adam, I’d argue the Lakers should spend 225 percent as much on salary as the Kings. After all, they play in Los Angeles, not Sacramento. They make more local TV money in one year than Sacramento makes in 12. They can charge three times as much for tickets. And their owner has enough money to pay his players without hawking his prized possessions like he’s on an special episode of Pawn Stars. We ARE a league of Haves and Have-Nots. Look at every great season we’ve ever had — when we’re top-heavy and bottom-heavy, that’s when we have the best teams and the best playoff games.

“Here’s a newsflash: We’re not the NFL. They have revenue sharing because it doesn’t matter who plays in the Super Bowl, or where Peyton Manning spends his career. All that matters is parity and television money. Our success hinges on star power and big-market teams; we could never survive one year without a team in Los Angeles, much less two decades and counting like the NFL just did. Our attendance numbers these past few years have told us — pretty convincingly — that small-market fans aren’t forking over money for professional basketball anymore unless their local team is good or great. And even then, they might not show up.

“We have to reinvent our league. We have to figure out which 25 to 30 cities can handle a professional basketball franchise instead of wasting our time protecting the ones that can’t. We have to accept that big-market teams have a better chance of succeeding than small-market teams, for a variety of reasons, but mainly because wealthier owners want to own big-market teams and talented players want to play for big-market teams. That’s the reality. That’s the big picture. But yes, the small picture says we need to knock down that BRI a little. A 50/50 split seems totally fair.”

Sadly, I can see this being something the video game industry would actually release. EA Sports did put Tiger Woods' name on a game cover recently didn't it?

Issue No. 3: Guaranteed contracts are too long
Even the Players Association seems to agree on this one.7 Long-term deals allow players to coast for years on end (how’s it going, Rashard Lewis?), mail in entire seasons (what’s happening, Charlie Villanueva?), or eat themselves out of the league (would you like another slice, Eddy Curry?). Any of those paths make the players look terrible as a whole. From the league’s perspective, you can’t have five- or six-year deals AND a salary cap, not when the wrong contract can singlehandedly submarine a team. Players also play their greedy butts off during contract years … so by having more contract years and fewer Long-Term Deals Gone Wrong, the league’s quality of play would improve. At least that’s the hope.

What Dave would tell the owners: “Fans can’t identify with overpaid players — especially if those guys aren’t trying as hard as they once did. They resent them, which means they resent our league. Why would we ever want that? Think of Clippers fans suffering through 2½ years of Baron Davis, and then losing their no. 1 overall pick because that was the only way their team could dump Davis. How can we expect them to enjoy our product after that? No NBA contract should last longer than four years except for rookie contracts. Period.”8

Issue No. 4 (in 3 parts): NBA superstars should make more money than they do; it should be easier for NBA teams to keep those superstars; and too many nonsuperstars make too much money.

Tackling the superstar issue first: Ten baseball players will earn $20 million or more in 2011 (with Alex Rodriguez leading the way at $32 million); only four NBA players could potentially make $20 million or more in 2011-12. Twenty-nine baseball players earn $15 million or more; only 22 NBA players can say the same. That would make sense if baseball players were more marketable, but actually, it’s the opposite: The NBA has three times as many marketable stars (LeBron, Kobe, Howard, Durant, Wade, Amar’e, Carmelo, Duncan, Pierce, Griffin, Nash, Dirk, Garnett, Yao, Paul, Rose and at least one star I’m probably forgetting) as baseball (A-Rod, Jeter, Pujols, Howard and maybe Lincecum). Hell, you could argue Chris Bosh, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker and Pau Gasol are more famous worldwide than any baseball players except Jeter, A-Rod and Ichiro.

Baseball stars make more money only because there’s no salary cap in baseball. I get it. But given the NBA is such a star-driven league, why wouldn’t it reward its best players a little more smartly? Why not redistribute NBA salaries so they resemble more of a Hollywood star system? For instance, look at Mission Impossible — Ghost Protocol: Cruise is the “superstar,” Jeremy Renner is the secondary star, and Paula Patton, Simon Pegg, Ving Rhames and Josh Holloway were the supporting stars. If the NBA was funding that movie, Cruise would make $25 million, Renner would make $15 million (even though he would have done it for one-third that), Holloway would inexplicably make $9 million, then the other three would probably be overpaid something like $20 million combined. And that makes sense … how?

Try to follow me here …

a. Twenty-two players are scheduled to make more than $15 million for the 2011-12 season: Kobe Bryant ($25.5m), Tim Duncan ($21.4m), Rashard Lewis ($21.4m), Kevin Garnett ($21.2m), Gilbert Arenas ($19.1m), Dirk Nowitzki ($19.1m), Pau Gasol ($18.7m), Dwight Howard ($18.1m), Carmelo Anthony ($18.4m), Amar’e Stoudemire ($18.2m), Joe Johnson ($18m), Elton Brand ($17.1m), Chris Paul ($16.4m), Deron Williams ($16.3m), LeBron James ($16.0m), Chris Bosh ($16.0m), Dwyane Wade (15.7m), Paul Pierce ($15.3m), Zach Randolph ($15.2m), Antawn Jamison ($15.1m), Brandon Roy ($15m), Rudy Gay ($15m). Only Lewis, Arenas, Brand, Jamison and Roy don’t belong on that list … and if our “four-year max” rule was in place, Lewis’ deal would be done; Arenas, Brand and Jamison would be in their final year, and Roy would have two years left. Either way, we’re batting 78 percent on big-ass deals. Not bad.

b. Forty-six NBA players are scheduled to make between $8 million and $14.9 million for the 2011-12 season (not counting free agents or restricted free agents). We’ll separate them into four groups and throw them into a massive footnote to save space: “Comically overpaid,” “Overpaid,” “Fairly Paid” and “Underpaid.”9 You’ll see in the footnote — 27 of the 46 players were “overpaid” or “comically overpaid,” which means we went from batting 78 percent to 38 percent … and that’s not counting another $75 million worth of dumb deals10 from the $6.5 million to $7.9 million group, or whichever team stupidly overpays Marc Gasol, Jamal Crawford, J.R. Smith, Kris Humphries, Caron Butler and (gulp) Greg Oden. 11

See, that’s what is really killing the NBA: overpaying the Jeremy Renners and TOTALLY overpaying the Josh Holloways. But how do you fix it?

What Dave would tell the owners: “Fellas, this couldn’t be an easier fix. We keep the rookie contracts intact and get a four-year cap on contracts. We abolish the midlevel exception; in return, we back off our 50/50 request on the BRI and give them a 52/48 split. That guarantees them between $1.8 billion and $1.9 billion in salaries, depending on how we’re doing. We want to reward our best players more than we do. We want to make it easier for teams to keep franchise players so LeBron/Cleveland or Carmelo/Denver doesn’t happen every year. And we want to keep our hard cap relatively low so teams don’t overpay role players (a.k.a. Travis Outlaw for $35 million), frustrating our fans and make them think we’re idiots.

“So here’s my radical suggestion in seven parts. Call it the Dave Plan. If you don’t like it, stick with your old system and keep bitching about your $340 million in losses …12

  • “1. We settle on a $52 million hard cap but promise players we’ll spend 52 percent of the BRI on salaries, which should average out to $56 million to $58 million per season, depending on how we’re doing. All extra wiggle room from $52 million to that $56 million to $58 million that we DON’T spend goes into an escrow fund. If we’re over, we get the extra money. If we’re under, the players get it. But we’re going to spend that money. Watch.
  • “2. Going forward, we define an ‘All-Star’ as someone who’s played four consecutive years with one team and made two All-Star teams OR an All-NBA team during that time. Any ‘All-Star’ automatically gets a $12 million cap figure, but his original team can pay him up to 25 percent more than the cap figure (max: $60 million for four years). A new team can only pay him that cap figure (max: $48 million for four years).
  • “3. We define a ‘Franchise Player’ as someone who’s played at least four consecutive years with one team and made three All-Star teams OR two first or second All-NBA teams during that time. Any ‘Franchise Player’ automatically gets a $17 million cap figure, but can be paid $500,000 per years of service beyond that number without it counting on the cap. For instance, if Dwight Howard wants to sign with the Lakers next summer, they could offer only his franchise cap number ($68 million over four years). Orlando gets the benefit of that $500k bump — eight Howard/Orlando seasons multiplied by $500,000 — so they can offer him a four-year deal worth $87 million.13 The longer he stays in Orlando and keeps playing at a ‘Franchise’ level, the more money Howard can earn.
  • “4. Anyone who graduates from ‘All-Star’ to ‘Franchise Player’ during his four-year deal gets an automatic salary bump to ‘Franchise’ status. For instance, Russell Westbrook’s second-team All-NBA would make him eligible for an “All-Star” extension right now ($15 million per year for four years, but with a $12 million per year cap figure). Let’s say he makes second-team All-NBA again this season. Boom! He jumps to “Franchise” status; his cap figure bumps to $17 million, along with the corresponding $500k bumps for each year in Oklahoma City.14 In other words, he’s incentivized to keep kicking ass even after he gets paid.
  • “5. If you can’t maintain ‘All-Star’ or ‘Franchise’ status during your deal, you lose those privileges for the next deal.15
  • “6. Any All-Star who gets traded keeps his salary/cap figure disparity for his new team. Franchise players can veto any trade — if they accept the deal, they lose their accumulated $500k bumps and revert back to the $17 million cap figure.
  • “7. Nobody else can sign for more than $10 million per year unless he made an All-NBA team OR two All-Star teams within the past three years, giving him a 33 percent bump (and enabling him a deal or extension for $13.3 million per year, with the salary doubling as the cap number). Yes, we’re calling this the Zach Randolph Exception.

“Did you follow that? All we did was redistribute our salary output a little: we pulled money from the middle class (where most salary mistakes are made, anyway) and gave it to the upper class; we made it harder for franchises to kill themselves with long-term deals; we made it easier for franchises to keep signature players; and we rewarded stars for sticking with their original teams. That doesn’t make sense … why?”16

Issue No. 5: Nobody is putting a gun to the owners’ heads and telling them to overpay players.

This is the no. 1 argument from every agent and Players Association head, none of whom seem to care that they sound like the parent of an obese child saying, “It’s not my fault the boy is fat, I’m not forcing him to eat.” Let’s skip this one because the lack of accountability is disgusting.

What Dave would tell the owners: “We can’t win here. If you made a conscious commitment to collectively rein in spending, that would be collusion. When you’re left to your own devices, more times than not, you’ll screw up. My only idea: Maybe any NBA franchise that allows an ex-player, a coach, a former scout, or basically anyone without genuine business and/or legal training to negotiate with some of the smartest legal/business minds in the entire world should be fined $10 million by the commissioner’s office. Do you realize that agents laugh about this behind closed doors? They can’t believe they were allowed to negotiate deals with the likes of Mike Dunleavy, Joe Dumars, Kevin McHale, David Kahn, Isiah Thomas, Danny Ferry and the Paxson brothers over the years. It makes them giggle and giggle. Maybe we DO deserve to lose $340 million every year.”

Issue No. 6: The NBA owners need to figure out revenue sharing before they can figure out a labor deal.

The Players Association keeps pointing out the 22 of 30 NBA teams are losing money because the eight teams that make money aren’t sharing it. The owners’ response (pretty weak): It doesn’t matter how we lose $340 million, just that we’re losing $340 million. The players’ response to the response (just as weak): It’s not $340 million, that’s creative accounting! It’s really like $90 million! The owners’ response to the response to the response: No it’s not! My response to the response to the response to the response: Can someone turn on an oven? I want to stick my head inside it.

What Dave would tell the owners: “Let’s spend our energies on making sure the next season doesn’t get compromised or canceled. Once that’s settled, we’ll try to figure out revenue sharing … and fail miserably, because the odds of James Dolan, the black sheep Buss brothers and Jerry Reinsdorf forking over hard-earned profits to make sure basketball can keep limping along in Sacramento, Milwaukee, Philly, Detroit, New Orleans, Charlotte and Indiana are between 0.0 and 0.00000001 percent. We’re going to have a 30-owner Battle Royal over that issue; that’s the last thing we need right now. Besides, you can’t create a revenue sharing plan before you know what you’re getting with a new labor deal. Makes no sense.”

Issue No. 7: The NBA owners need to get their house in order before they can figure out a labor deal.

Here’s where the owners, Real Dave and Real Adam have totally blown it. They keep intimating that they’d sacrifice an entire season to “fix” the league, which is code for, “Our newer owners paid top dollar for their teams and haven’t seen a profit yet — scaring every other prospective new owner off, and in turn, scaring the shit out of us because nobody wants to sell a sports team for less than they paid for it — so we’d rather shut things down, break the players and create a more favorable system over considering any other ambitious alternative.”17

Really, fellas, you’re breaking out a nuclear bomb before trying a few air strikes and naval hits? Who does that? This isn’t anything like skyrocketing salaries nearly sinking the NHL in 2004, when teams suddenly had to charge white-collar ticket prices for blue-collar fan bases just to break even (and failed). Again, we’re coming off one of the most entertaining NBA seasons ever! We really need to bring out Dr. Oppenheimer to solve this one? The league would never admit this publicly, but its long-range concern isn’t about the now-infamous 340 number as much as unpredictable fan behavior the rest of this decade. Secondary ticket markets, the internet, HD televisions, DirecTV’s season pass, the Broadband Pass, short attention spans, DVRs, video games, iPads, a struggling economy … all of these forces have slowly pushed many basketball fans towards the same two conclusions:

“Why should I spend a huge chunk of money upfront on season tickets when I can just cherry-pick seven or eight games online?”

“Why should I pay for mediocre or crappy tickets, drive all the way to a game, pay for parking, pay for food and drink, then spend 150 minutes watching a regular-season NBA game when I could just stay home and watch that same game in HD while doing nine other things?”

People who love basketball will keep coming … but what about everyone else? That’s the fear. And that’s where the players have been totally disingenuous: They want to roll over the current setup, and they want to keep bitching about the owners’ rigging that $340 million number, but have you heard Billy Hunter, Derek Fisher or anyone else even acknowledge the (legitimate) uncertainty with fan behavior going forward? Why do you think rich dudes weren’t exactly lining up to purchase the Hornets, Kings, Pistons, Bucks or Sixers?

Of course, that doesn’t mean the owners should drop a nuclear bomb, either. But the league needs to decide — fundamentally, right now, this month — where it’s going these next 10 years before figuring out anything else. Mention contraction to any league official and they shudder. We can’t do that, we can’t lose those jobs. BUT YOU CAN CANCEL A SEASON??? What???? How does that make sense? You don’t think we’re going to lose jobs during a one-year lockout … not to mention fan interest and TV ratings? How dense can you be?

The NBA’s unwillingness to experiment with anything beyond its digital and international presence has been its Achilles’ heel. Not to step on Dave’s toes, but why haven’t we heard the following ideas or strategies even discussed?:

    • Pulling a page out of the Premier League’s book and getting sponsors for every team’s jerseys and every team’s half-court logo. Let’s say the NBA is leaving $80-100 million on the table every season. (This Forbes.com blog indicates that it would be less. I find that hard to believe, especially after the rating for the 2011 playoffs.) Given they’re bitching about $370 million like it’s $10 billion, isn’t $80 million to $100 million a significant chunk of change? Why aren’t they investigating this? Give me sponsored jerseys over a canceled season every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
    • Canceling the WNBA after this season. You can’t complain about losing money with the NBA after you just spent 15 years funding a women’s league that proved pretty emphatically by about Year 8 that it can’t make money. That’s like saying, “We need to sell our house and move into a cheaper one … but I’m keeping the yacht I never should have bought!”18
    • If anyone other than Donald Sterling owned the Clippers, the franchise would be worth twice as much money.19 He’s squatting on a billion-dollar property the same way he squats on his Malibu lots — he’s like a wealthy version of somebody on Hoarders. Hasn’t the man done enough harm to warrant a legal intervention? How many times has he fired an employee, then refused to pay him and forced that person to chase the money in court? How many times have the Clippers made damaging trades just to save money? How many times has Sterling been accused of insulting minorities or even his own players? Bud Selig sucked it up and went after Frank McCourt’s team, legal consequences be damned; why couldn’t Stern do the same with Sterling? He’s a dreadful owner, a disgrace to the league, and someone who knocks down the value of his franchise in half just by being alive. That’s not enough grounds?
    • The Charlotte Bobcats never should have happened. You know how I know this? Because Michael Jordan spent about 20 bucks in actual cash to buy them two years ago, that’s how. If the Bobcats break their stadium lease and move somewhere else, they’d have to pay the city of Charlotte $150 million. So it would make no sense to move them, unless … you know … Jordan moves them to Chicago (where he still lives), plays in the United Center (where he has a giant statue), ropes Oprah into being a minority owner, then quickly becomes a well-run version of the Clippers to the Bulls’ version of the Lakers.20 Not only would they cover the $150 million pretty quickly, but that would give the league six teams in the three biggest TV markets. And that’s a bad thing … why?21
    • You know what got lost in the Maloofs’ pathetic attempt to sell out Sacramento for Anaheim last spring? Billionaire Henry Samueli pulled out every stop to get them. The Mighty Ducks owners pulled off a $75 million city-funded bond deal to modernize Anaheim’s Honda Center (which he manages), pledged another $25 million of his own money for more repairs (including new locker rooms and a new practice center), and even pledged another $50 million to help the Maloofs pay off their relocation fee. Call me crazy, but that sounds like someone we need in the league. If Sacramento can’t build a new stadium (and it deserves one more year to figure it out), the league needs to force the Maloofs to sell the Kings to Samueli. Or, sell the Hornets to him. But Orange County could and should have an NBA team.22
    • The league can’t own the Hornets for another season, regardless of how this lockout turns out. Not only does it raise legitimate ethical issues, it makes the league look shaky as a whole: You can’t have one of your franchises basically sitting on Craigslist hoping for a buyer. If they can’t find an owner soon, the franchise needs to move to Vancouver (a market that deserves a second chance and has a building ready to go) or Anaheim … or it needs to be contracted.Look, we all love New Orleans. But some cities aren’t meant to have professional basketball in 2011. It happens. There’s a reason Kansas City’s state-of-the-art arena has been sitting empty for four years; there’s a reason the Nets are leaving New Jersey; and there’s a reason nobody wants to buy the Hornets.23 As Bill Parcells always said, “You are who you are.” And the NBA is a place that, in 2011, can’t generate enough revenue from small markets unless someone like Kevin Durant is playing there. Fan behavior has turned against the smaller-market franchises; it’s time to recognize that and adjust accordingly. The NBA’s destiny might be 26 teams, 28 teams, or maybe even 30 teams (but with four or five moving to different markets). But to say we can just keep going with the same 29 cities is bad business, and really, part of the reason we landed in this mess. Jerry Buss, James Dolan and Jerry Reinsdorf shouldn’t have to support flawed businesses in flawed markets. And if believing that makes me an NBA Republican, so be it.
    • I’m re-pitching my 2007 idea for the Entertaining As Hell Tournamentwith a couple of minor tweaks …Let’s say we cut down the regular season to 78 games, lock down the top seven seeds in each conference, then stage a week-long, single elimination, 16-team tournament between the nonplayoff teams for the 8-seeds. (No conferences, just no. 15 through no. 30 seeded in order.) The higher seeds would host the first two rounds (eight games in all) from Sunday through Wednesday; the last two rounds (The Final FourGotten) would rotate every year in New York or Los Angeles on Friday night and Sunday afternoon, becoming something of a Fun Sports Weekend along the lines of All-Star Weekend. Friday night’s winners would clinch playoff berths. Sunday’s winner gets two carrots: the chance to pick their playoff conference (you can go East or West), as well as the no. 10 pick in the upcoming draft (that’s a supplemental pick; they’d get their own first-rounder as well).I’ll flip this around: Why WOULDN’T we do this? Lottery teams couldn’t tank down the stretch or shut down starters for nefarious reasons; not with a possible playoff berth and an extra first-rounder at stake. Fans would remain invested no matter how poorly their team was playing down the stretch (knowing the tournament was coming up). Sponsors would pony up extra money to be involved. We’d get a fun basketball weekend in New York or Los Angeles out of it. The 14 playoff teams would get 10 days off as their bonus. And given that the Grizzlies just topped the Spurs in Round 1, nobody could say the 8-seed is meaningless, right?

      If you’re still not sold, allow me to fall back on a question that never fails: “Would you watch it?”

      Imagine if we did it last year and landed a Friday Final Four of the Grizzlies, Clippers, Pacers and (in a feel-good story) the upstart Cavaliers. Would you have watched that night? Of course you would have! You definitely would have watched the Entertaining As Hell Tournament presented by Klondike. Why won’t the NBA take a chance like this? I have no idea.

What Dave would tell the owners: “What he said.”

Bringing this full circle: Why does the NBA’s brain trust steadfastly refuse to brainstorm radical ideas on par with the ones I just mentioned, or consider contraction, or really, do anything beyond whining about the $340 million? Because that’s what this lockout is about: stubbornness in its rawest form. The league is too proud to change. The players are too proud to admit that they’re a huge part of the problem, and that we wouldn’t be in this mess if more of them took pride in the deals they signed. Both sides would rather point fingers instead of figuring out how to improve their product going forward.

As for us? We might lose a season because of their obstinance, which means we’ll miss out on Year 2 of “Yes We Did!”, Boston’s last run with Garnett, Pierce and Allen, Duncan’s last decent Spurs season, Kobe’s trying to stay on top (and doing anything to do so), Durant and Westbrook continuing their Stringer/Avon plot, another year of Blake dunks (counting his missed rookie season, that means we’d have gone 1-for-3 during this jumping-out-of-the-building apex), contract seasons from Howard/Paul/Williams, our last David Kahn season before he gets fired and becomes my BS Report co-host, our first full Carmelo/Amar’e season, a year of Jimmer, Tyreke, Salmons and DeMarcus impersonating a giant black hole in Sacramento, Dirk’s defending his Mavs title, a year of Love/Rubio outlets and Wall/Vesely alley-oops, the remote possibility of LeBrondown III … I mean, have you really thought about what’s at stake here?

Sadly, this mess won’t end like the movie Dave did, with Dave Kovic fixing the country, turning things over to the vice-president and walking off into the sunset.24 Team Stern will play chicken with Team Hunter, heeding the lessons of the 1999 Lockout, when we realized more NBA players live paycheck-to-paycheck than you’d ever imagine. It will stretch into November, then December, with the players panicking a little more each day. By the end of January, the players will cave: You’ll see a 50/50 BRI split, four-year deals (none longer), a slightly harder cap (thanks to the abolition of midlevel exceptions and Larry Bird rights), the end of the luxury tax and a 50-game season that blows just as much as the last lockout season did. Team Stern’s concession will be a five-year deal through 2016, right when the NBA’s television deal expires, preventing it from getting screwed if the league rakes in more TV money than anyone expects.

The owners will claim they “fixed” the system, but really, they just swung the numbers more in their favor and kept Stern’s “I never lost a franchise while I was in charge” streak alive, which rings just as hollow as Wilt’s “I never fouled out of a game!” streak. Will anything actually get fixed? Where is this league going?

Look, David Stern will always be my favorite commissioner ever, but his lack of resourcefulness during these past few years has been somewhat appalling. He’s starting to resemble Larry O’Brien, who famously blessed the inspired concept of All-Star Weekend by gruffly demanding that it couldn’t cost even a nickel … and by the way, that wasn’t a compliment. The league can’t fix its small-picture issues unless it’s addressing the big-picture ones, too. Can Stern even see that anymore? If he’s really banking on revenue sharing as his long-term solution, that scares me more than anything. I don’t trust wealthy businessmen to act magnanimously. Their track record as a whole is pretty poor. To say the least.

For the past 12 months, every Stern defender claimed that he would never allow a canceled season or a prolonged lockout to become the final chapter of his legacy. I believed that as well. That belief is wavering. Please, start thinking outside the box again, David. You used to live there.

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Review: LEGO Indiana Jones 2 (PS3) gets 4 stars out of 10

22 Jun

Is it possible to make a bad LEGO game? 

After playing LEGO Indiana Jones 2, the answer is unfortunately “yes.”

Much like ice cream, snickerdoodles & any reality series with a Kardashian sister, LEGO games were long believed to be a guaranteed hit.

Starting with the early LEGO Star Wars games, it seemed LucasArts had stumbled onto a simple idea everyone loved: Playing a video game where you build stuff in a given fantasy world.  Practically anybody under 40 grew up with LEGOs and has fond memories of playing with them.  Those same happy feelings resonate when fans of the Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman or Harry Potter movies start to think about the first time they were swept up into that science fiction fantasy world in the movie theater.  Give the game developers credit for not overthinking this: People like the LEGO universe and they like the Star Wars universe, so it’s only natural to combine them! 

Game makers then applied this same strategy to the other movie franchises, all the while making the games with cute characters, animals and environments, with lots of tongue-in-cheek humor to boot.  These LEGO puzzle games were legitimately fun for all ages, & this mass appeal made them a retail success.

When thinking about the purpose of making a 2nd LEGO Indiana Jones game, I must quote the wisdom of former Philadelphia Eagles RB Ricky Watters: "For who? For what?"

Then, the developers started thinking too much:

How can we make the worlds bigger?

What can we do to make them more segmented and unique?

How can we make the strategy more challenging for older audiences?

How can we integrate more boating and flying challenges?

How can we put more side missions into the game?

The correct answer is a simplistic map selection screen and arrows guiding the user where to go next, as seen in the brilliant new LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean game, which will be reviewed in the future.

That correct answer apparently didn’t arrive until 2011, which is a problem when we’re reviewing a game released in 2009.

LEGO Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues is a maddening dumpster fire that makes you ask “why?”  Why does the adventure continue, & why would anyone want to be a part of it?

The game is about twice as big as some prior LEGO games such as the prequel and original trilogy LEGO Star Wars games, and its repetitive nature makes it extremely boring after about 40% completion.  Worse, once you’ve completed about 4 of the 6 worlds (called “hubs”), the game takes on a “just make it stop” sort of feel.  At that point you’ve invested so much time in finishing the game that you just want to see it through!

The game makers at Traveller’s Tales and LucasArts departed from the simple map concept of past LEGO games (such as the 1st LEGO Indiana Jones release) and went to a horrendous “hub” system where your player must explore a three-dimensional RPG-esque map for each movie.  Worse, to accommodate the disastrous 4th installment, “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” that film gets 3 hubs while the original 3 films get 1 hub each.  Yikes. 

Yes, that’s right.  6 hubs.  Lots of replay value, whether you want it or not.  The 6 different hubs would be fine if they had a ton of creativity, but it’s the same mundane tasks over & over: Pulling down a lever, moving a shield to reflect a laser beam, punching 10-20+ enemies after completing a level just so you can buy the last 1 & add him as a character. 

I happened to have the official game guide, & boy did I need it!  With no arrows or hint feature, half the time I was wondering what the game wanted me to do to unlock a race or finish a level & had to resort to using the guide, which thankfully had an abundance of screenshots.  This lack of direction is especially ridiculous considering that the LEGO Star Wars games had a “Mini-Kit” perk feature that pointed arrows at all the places you were supposed to look for hidden objects, where to travel, etc.  This arrow concept came out years ago & should never have been done away with!

Each hub is filled with driving, flying & boating races too, which make sense if you actually raced against another vehicle.  Instead, it’s a race against the clock, with the timekeeper being about the only thing you can see clearly on the screen.  Due to horrendous camera angles you can hardly manipulate, you’re often left to wonder what direction you’re supposed to go.  This is especially problematic on flying or boating missions, where many vehicles turn like an old, malfunctioning tank.  The course will zigzag in the air, and your dirigible won’t exactly turn on a dime (yes, you must literally fly a blimp as nimble as Delta Burke).  By the time the camera lets you see the next checkpoint, there’s no time to turn in case you aren’t lined up just right to pass through it, how frustrating!

Executing jumps in the game is maddening too – can your player make the jump?  Is he supposed to?  Will the quality of the play control allow you to balance him on a beam or avoid getting bumped off a tall crate by your CPU-controlled teammate?  These questions will drive you crazy throughout the game.

Also, the game has no online functionality whatsoever, which is absurd given that it has a level creator mode.  Sure, the creation mode is a poor man’s Little Big Planet level creator, but what’s the point of creating a level or character if you can’t share them online with anyone??

Worse, the game freezes!  Here at The Floor Seats we tested the game on both PS3 models (the original George Foreman grill type & the newer PS3 slim), and it froze at least 4-5 times, probably closer to 10 times total.  It would routinely freeze when you moved your character at all after reaching 1 million coins in the “Super Bonus Levels,” at which point you would have to manually turn your PS3 off and restart it.  Any progress you made since you last saved the game was lost!   

What does the game do well you ask?  The graphics aren’t bad by LEGO standards, and the official Indiana Jones soundtrack from composer John Williams is great as always.  Plus there are plenty of extra features to unlock and enjoy (such as getting 10x the value for the studs you acquire), though even this concept is poorly executed: You must “turn on” each “extra” such as the 10x feature every single time you turn the game on!  Even if you save the game with that extra turned on then quit the game, it will be turned off next time you start it back up.  This is also the case if you merely change from 1 hub to another – why would you go from 1 hub to the next and NOT want to continue getting 10x the value for the studs you find?? 

The game does have trophy support, though I suspect this is only b/c Sony required it have that.  Sony has stipulated that all PS3 games released 1/1/2009 or later must have trophy support; the first LEGO Indiana Jones and LEGO Star Wars games released before that lack trophy support & LucasArts has yet to provide an update to fix that.

All in all, there are certainly worse games out there, and it does start out with some cute, enjoyable levels, but with so many flaws this is clearly the worst LEGO game ever.

Verdict: 4 stars out of 10

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Review: “The Perfect Storm” (2000) starring Clooney & Wahlberg gets 3 stars (out of 4)

11 Jun

“Who wants to go swordfishing?”

This phrase won’t be met with much enthusiasm from anyone who just finished watching The Perfect Storm, which spends much of the time dousing its actors in hurricane waves strong enough to send a man overboard at any second.

Thankfully director Wolfgang Petersen (Outbreak, Air Force One) had the sensibility to cut to what’s happening on the mainland at least once every 15-20 minutes, otherwise the constant beating of the 20′ whitecaps might get a little old after awhile.  With this nice balance, the storm special effects create such an immersive environment I would probably have freaked out if I spilled my drink during the movie.  The last thing I want to feel is being awash with water after seeing Marky Mark get blasted with massive waves for about 2 hours!

The Perfect Storm came to Blu-ray not too long ago, so I felt it deserved a review after joining my collection this weekend.  Some critics hated this film (only 47% on Rottom Tomatoes), but it definitely paid for lunch with a $325 MIL haul on only a $120 MIL budget.

Clooney & his men are quite the river boat gamblers in this adaptation of a real tragedy.

Many people like to think that this movie is an accurate representation of what really happened to the Andrea Gail, a swordfishing boat from Gloucester, Mass. that encountered a ”perfect storm” in late October / early November of 1991.  However, it only claims to be based on a 1997 non-fiction book called “The Perfect Storm” by Sebastian Junger. 

Worse, the book itself has been accused of having factual errors, one-sided details & a bias against the fishing industry in its telling of the 1991 event.  So, just remember that Warner Bros. needed to have a story to tell, & so it took some liberties with the known actual events.  Examples of this include making more of George Clooney’s relationship with The Abyss alum Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio’s character, & attempting to recreate what happened to the Andrea Gail after it lost radio contact (which is of course unknown).  I have no problem with this, as the film had a very dramatic ending filled with strong special effects.  In fact, if the final 15-20 minutes didn’t break the way they did, I probably would’ve only given this film 2.5 stars.  Thankfully it closed strong, so it gets a 3 star rating.

The casting in this movie was all over the place: Mastrantonio was perfect for her role, & Christopher McDonald plays an obnoxious weatherman like only he can.  McDonald was so good as villainous jerk golfer Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore that I almost couldn’t see him as anything beyond that, but his dark sense of humor definitely adds to the film.  The scene where he checks out his Doppler radar stormcenter is hilarious!  As McDonald excitedly explains to a disinterested female coworker how 3 massive hurricane storm systems are about to converge, he sounds like he’s about to spray his khakis!

Clooney was solid, as was Diane Lane.  Lane’s fisherman love interest in the film was supposed to be played by Drive Angry‘s Nic Cage, who had to back out due to other commitments.  As a result the role went to Wahlberg, who (surprise, surprise) played a tough Boston character to perfection.  While Cage was on a hot streak in the late 90s with The Rock, Con-Air & Face/Off, he could’ve easily sunk this film! (no pun intended) 

Can you even imagine Cage in Wahlberg’s role??  The waves are beating down on the boat, Clooney looks to him for confidence, & Cage just leans in & groans in his tough-guy voice: “We need to launch the green flares & wait for the cavalry” (quote from The Rock) LOL

The one guy I could never take seriously was John C. Reilly.  After seeing him in that vulgar yet funny ”Boats ‘N Hoes“ music video for Step Brothers, it was tough to see him in a dramatic role as a scruffy swordfisherman.  To be fair, Step Brothers came out much later (2008), & when The Perfect Storm finally came to Blu-ray the editors could hardly have taken him out of the film due to logistal & contractual constraints. 

James Horner adds an inspired soundtrack, & the Blu-ray comes with 3 documentaries & 3 audio commentary tracks.  If you like action/aquatic films, add this one to your collection!

Verdict: 3 stars (out of 4)

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NBA: Mavs beat the odds to take Game 5, now up 3-2 on Heat

10 Jun

Most of the 2011 NBA Playoffs haven’t made much sense, so this is par for the course.

Dallas, with only 1 star & a bunch of aging veterans, has managed to steal 3 wins so far despite arguably being outplayed in every game in the series.  Dirk fades away from contact, shoots on 1 leg, & shot-puts the ball off his fist, sometimes from 25′ away & it still goes in.  Even if it doesn’t, he still usually gets the whistle in Mav land (last night Dirk shot 10 free throws while LeBron, a much more physical star, only shot 2).

J.J. Berea, who is only a 31% 3-pt. shooter this season & 1-10 from deep in the series heading into Game 5, nailed 4 of 5 treys last night.  Jason Kidd seems to be turning back the clock seemingly every week, improving his defensive quickness & shooting touch at age 38.

Did you catch the Brian Cardinal sighting last night? Good to see The Custodian getting active - when hungry he plays above his head, turning into a poor man's Luke Harangody.

The last time we had the “Battle of American Airlines” barns (talk about confusing – both teams have basically the same arena name), Dallas put together an epic choke job, blowing a lead in Game 3 & its 2-0 series lead to lose in 6 games.  This time, Miami has the chance to “wet the bed” as Kobe once put it.

And that is fantastic!

Who really wants the Heat to win outside of Miami??  Even there, I’m not sure too many folks are crazy about the Heat.  Even Charles Barkley said so, & he’s normally right.  He even picked the Mavs to come out of the West before the playoffs started!

The Heat put together this “super team” that basically banks on Wade, James & Bosh scoring 80+ pts. a night, & incredibly it’s working.  Thanks to poor execution by the Bulls & clutch Miami shooting, the Heat dismantled Chicago in 5 & could’ve swept the Mavs if Miami had its act together.  That epic Game 2 meltdown (blowing a 15-pt. lead at home with about 6 minutes left!) & then the Game 4 “Did LeBron quit again?” mess seemed to follow the Heat right into Game 5.  Miami spotted Dallas a 9-pt. 2nd half lead but turned it on late with a 9-0 run to take the lead, yet couldn’t get a quality shot at the end.  How in the world does Miami with the best slasher in the game (Wade), the best finisher at the basket (LeBron) & an All-Star frontcourt player (Bosh) not hammer it inside once it got in the bonus??  And that ignores all the free dunks they got from Haslem thanks to blown defensive rotations by Dallas!

With all the Heat stars’ whining, making of excuses, & questions about blown leads & quitting, this seems a lot like the questions LBJ was faced with in Cleveland doesn’t it??  While I actually don’t think LBJ quit in Game 4 vs. Dallas, I’m not surprised plenty of people think otherwise.

In the end, these Finals will likely end very much like last year, where the Lakers rode their home court advantage, star play & matchup factors to take the series in 7 after trailing 3-2.  I’m hope I’m wrong, so Dirk, Kidd, Terry, Peja, etc. & Cuban can finally get the title they’ve chased for so long.

Prediction: Heat in 7

In the interest of full disclosure, my original prediction was the Heat in 6, & thankfully that is now an impossibility.  Sorry I didn’t get a chance to get that on here in time, check back for more updates in the future!

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2011 NFL Draft analysis of QBs & what Panthers & Browns should do in the 1st round

28 Apr

The draft is less than 4 hours away, & the Carolina Panthers will be on the clock before you know it.  If CAR is smart, it will trade down to add depth or draft that Alabama DT Marcell Dareus.  Most people think Auburn QB Cam Newton will go there, but I think that would be a disaster! 

Newton will be a bust almost anywhere he goes, but in CAR he’ll have limited weapons, new coach (Ron Rivera…yikes!), & he doesn’t have much familiarity with being under center (like so many of these draft prospects who all come out of the gun…thanks a lot college football). 

I watched that coaches camp show with Jon Gruden & thought Newton seemed cocky when he spoke to Chucky.  Newton knew some things about Xs & Os but wow does he think he has it all figured out!  Newton seemed a little unfocused at times too. 

Is Cam Newton basically a mobile Ryan Leaf? Until he yells at a reporter "Don't talk to me alright! Knock if off!" we won't know for sure.

I also watched most of the other Gruden shows, including his interview with TCU QB Andy Dalton.  Dalton looked like a bust charisma-wise & physically unimpressive.  WAS QB Jake Locker looked like a bust due to his apparent offensive comprehension & quick decision-making on the field, laid-back attitude & injury-prone style of play.  Auburn DT Nick Fairley could be great but appeared lazy & out of shape.  Worse, we only have 1 good year of tape to look back on with him. 

ARK QB Ryan Mallett is a hard worker & coach’s son, so he could be a quality NFL backup.  His ceiling in the league seems like Drew Bledsoe 2.0 – a fiery, hulking, immobile QB who sometimes throws bad picks in big games. 

The only one who impressed me in the Gruden interviews was Mizzou QB Blaine Gabbert.  Gabbert seemed charismatic, bright & poised – with a high football IQ.  Unfortunately he spent most of his time in the shotgun formation too, so who knows if he’ll be very good in the NFL, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a poor man’s Matt Ryan or better.

As for the Browns, I’m really only interested in LSU CB Peterson or NEB CB Amukamara at #6.  Both seem like relatively clean players on & off the field, and have legit physical tools to succeed at the next level.  I would take TX A&M OLB Miller if he were available, but I presume he’ll be gone by #6.  If Big Show (Browns President Mike Holmgren) can’t get any of those players, CLE should just trade down & grab 1-2 of the quality DEs or NTs in this draft.  Quinn, Bowers, Watt, Smith, Wilkerson should be had in the 12-25 range, & maybe even lower if the Browns are lucky/patient. 

I would even be willing to roll the dice on Fairley if CLE could get him at #12 or later.  The Browns D-line is awfully thin at this point (Brian Schaefering & Kenyon Coleman are the bookend DEs right now), so why not get value in a draft filled with those types of players? 

Most of the “draft experts” want the Browns to draft A.J. Green, & if he’s gone, then go after Julio Jones!  Research suggests that taking a WR high in the 1st round is very risky: http://thefloorseats.com/2011/04/28/nfl-draft-2011-preview-why-your-team-should-avoid-drafting-a-wide-receiver/ 

I just read an article by Mel Kiper was arguing that CAR should blow the 1st pick in the entire draft on Green!  It’s especially funny considering the worst teams (Lions, Bengals, Cardinals) always seem to be drafting WRs high, while Super Bowl teams like GB (Greg Jennings) & PIT (Mike Wallace) got their stud WRs in the 2nd round of past drafts or later.

The Browns could easily trade a 2nd or 3rd pick for a decent veteran WR & that position would be tolerable for another year.  RB & TE are set & the left side of the O-line is fine, so QB Colt McCoy should have enough to work with if we give him 1-2 decent WRs (trade for a Anquan Boldin-type player & then draft a WR in the 2nd or 3rd round). 

Experts keep talking about the explosive capability of Green or Jones, & they both seem like big-play WRs from the highlight stuff on ESPN.  McCoy doesn’t have a gigantic arm, & the Browns run the west coast offense (short passes), so a deep threat WR (Braylon Edwards-type guy) is not a huge help to CLE anyway.  As a result, the impact of Green or Jones would have a diminishing return in CLE.

Now, to the big question: Who is going to go Al Davis this year & draft a guy in the 2nd round that he could’ve drafted in the 5th round or later?  I’m referencing the Raiders atrocious ’09 draft, where they inexplicably spent their 2nd round pick (47th overall) on Michael Mitchell, a safety from Ohio U. who many had as a 5th round pick or lower. 

 

We can only hope Al Davis breaks out the overhead projector in the Oakland draft war room. Most of the younger scouts may not know what this device is, but that won't stop Al from displaying his top prospects on transparency film.

NFL Network’s Mike Mayock had Mitchell projected as a 7th round pick!  Mitchell was the 1st OU Bobcat to be drafted in the 5th round or higher since 1948! 

Let’s not forget the Raiders also blew the 7th overall pick in that ’09 draft on Darius Heyward-Bey, who was regarded by many as the 3rd or 4th best WR in that draft & an eventual bust.  Can’t wait to see who the Raiders draft this year!

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Funny clip from The Onion: ‘Warcraft’ Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing ‘Warcraft’

12 Apr

Gotta love The Onion: ‘Warcraft’ Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing ‘Warcraft’ video is hilarious

The sad thing is I actually think there might be a gamer or two who would buy this LOL

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Be careful trying to get your dog in the family photo!

1 Apr

MyBadParent.com posted this hilarious picture of a dog going ape on some kid. 

It seems the kid is part of the family given the fact that most of the adults appear to be laughing at his plight…nice parenting LOL

That will teach him for failing to top off Rusty's dish with extra dog chow!

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Why do achievements / trophies not exist on the Nintendo Wii? Another victory for Sony’s PS3 & Microsoft’s XBOX 360

24 Mar

Do you enjoy letting your friends know you just unlocked the toughest PS3 trophy or XBOX 360 achievement for Call of Duty: Black Ops or another game everyone is playing?  It’s sort of like that saying about whether the tree falling in the forest really makes a sound if no one is around to hear it.  Accomplishing something difficult or unique in your game just isn’t that cool if none of your friends know about it.  I’ve always been puzzled as to why this same system-wide trophy concept is not available for the Nintendo Wii – perhaps it makes too much sense?! 

Nintendo has historically been very invested in their own ideas, not usually offering a response to what its competitors are creating until it’s really forced to do so by significant consumer demand for change (remember mild console flops like the GameCube, & major ones like the Virtual Boy that forced Nintendo to go in other directions).

Here’s a great article by IGN.com‘s Craig Harris from late 2009 about why Nintendo really needs to offer an achievement/trophy system for the Wii:

“Wii Need Achievements”

Nintendo was late to the online party, & now seems disinterested in offering system-wide accomplishments. It's getting to the point where 3rd-party games are almost pointless to play on the Wii. It's looking more & more like the only Wii games worth buying are those made by Nintendo.

Late last week I came home to my roommate playing Cars Race-o-Rama on the PlayStation 3. This game, released a couple of months ago, is not good – our official review of Cars Race-o-Rama put the game at a 5 out of 10. He wasn’t casually checking it out, either – he was deep into the game’s progression, almost to the point of beating it completely. The conversation went like this:

Me: You’re playing Cars Race-o-Rama.
Him: Yep.
Me: You’re playing Cars Race-o-Rama just to get the trophies, aren’t you?
Him: Yep.

This word-for-word dialogue was essentially the catalyst for this editorial. It’s been something that’s been on my mind for months now: love the idea or despise it, Nintendo is missing a huge opportunity by dismissing persistent online accounts that track individual game accomplishments. The fact that a gamer in my household was playing a crappy game just to get credit for it is a testament to the need for this feature on Wii.

For those who haven’t been following what’s been going on outside of the Nintendo camp, Sony’s Trophies are essentially the PlayStation 3 version of Xbox 360′s Achievement system. When players hit certain accomplishments in games – completely determined by the developer and unique to the game in question — they’re rewarded with a “token” that’s noted in their user account. These badges of honor are not just accumulated as a rating or score, but they can also be viewed by other players, either on the system or through a web page.

PlayStation 3′s Trophy web list is pretty snazzy.

The most significant innovation in this generation is easily motion control, and we have Nintendo and its Wii remote to thank for getting this ball moving; both Microsoft and Sony are playing catch-up in this regard, but they’re at least making some headway to out-do what Nintendo has done to change the playing field.

But arguably Innovation Number Two has to be the creation of accumulative achievements, and it was Microsoft that set this standard with the debut of the Xbox 360. Like Wii and its motion control, the Achievement system was something that started from Day One of the system’s debut and it is a standard that hasn’t changed since it began back in 2005. Since Microsoft made the move other companies have followed. Individual games have incorporated the “achievements” idea into their designs as an alternative checklist of what’s been completed. Even World of Warcraft has embraced achievements as a standard part of its experience, which will reportedly be rolled into a persistent account using its Battle.Net system.

Xbox 360′s online user game list can be pulled up by anyone.


Sony chose to add Trophies partway through the life of the PlayStation 3, so it’s had some growing pains to worry about; since it wasn’t available from the start, many early games do not have support for Trophies. But as of January 2009, Trophy support is a mandatory inclusion for all PlayStation 3 games, both in retail and in digital distribution.

The whole idea of an Achievement Score or a Trophy collection really is just a way for gamers to show off how much they play videogames. Some people call it an “e-penis,” and just like a regular penis, the bigger it is the more powerful and important you feel, right?

Some may dismiss the idea of an accumulative gamer score, and that’s perfectly fine — if a game can’t stand on its own, no amount of trophy hunting can make it any better. However, it’s hard to ignore the sense of gratification that’s felt when you’ve hit a certain milestone in a particular game, and a rewarding “Bing!!” is followed by the badge of honor that notes your accomplishment. Even if you were playing the most dreadfully designed game, that little token of acknowledgement is a wonderful release of endorphins that makes the awful experience a bit more pleasant.

Personally, even I’ve been known to play a game well past completion just to score as many Achievements and Trophies the design has to offer. An immensely fun game is made even better if there’s more to shoot for, and it’s sort of a driving force to grab all there is in a game just to prove to yourself, as well as the entire world, that it was one of your most favorite experiences on the console.

Now, this isn’t a commentary of which achievement system is better – Greg Miller chimed in with his choice last week, and Charles Onyett claims both are dumb. No, my point is how Nintendo is losing out by looking the other way. Nintendo tends to focus on its own innovations and only be reactive to strategies when it’s absolutely required – online support, for example, is in the Wii, but it’s certainly not an absolute integral part of the Wii experience in the way that Microsoft and Sony have embraced it.

It just flabbergasts me to see Nintendo taking such a blase attitude towards the growing support and backing for the system-wide, persistent accomplishments. At the Electronic Entertainment Expo this year, I asked Shigeru Miyamoto if Wii Sports Resort’s “stamps” was Nintendo’s way of addressing achievements, and possibly a taste of things to come for Wii gamers. According to Miyamoto, “I’m not a big fan of using the carrots to motivate people to play,” he said. “I want people to play because they enjoy playing and want to play more.”

Wii Sports Resort clearly had a team that understands the idea of Achievements.

My roommate’s Cars Race-o-Rama play session is evidence that gamers will play even the lousiest of games if there’s a carrot dangled in front of their nose. One of the biggest issues with Wii third-party support is the lack of enthusiasm to play anything that’s not made by Nintendo. However, Miyamoto makes a good point – but it’s a point from the perspective of someone whose games are seen as the best of the system’s best: of course people are going to play your games, Mr. Miyamoto.

But look at the rest of the system’s offerings: even the greatest third party games are being overlooked because, well, they’re not made by Nintendo; Zack & Wiki is a fantastic example of a game that’s one of the best the Wii has to offer, and yet failed to attract any sort of number on the sales level. We may never know for certain, but if Nintendo’s Wii had some sort of online persistence that not only touted to friends and colleagues that they were playing it but also awarded players with stamps that added to their gamer presence, perhaps we’d see more players tracking down a copy of Zack & Wiki. Sort of a virtual word of mouth…without saying a word.

Again, even the worst games would get played (bought, even) if there were an incentive to boot it up.

Later in the year, Miyamoto once again addressed the issue of Achievements and Trophies, this time taking a much more defensive position. At a roundtable discussing New Super Mario Bros. Wii, when asked if the Stars system in New Super Mario Bros., where certain accomplishments are rewarded with star badges in the user’s game profile, Miyamoto stated “playing the game in a certain way and have something that unlocks is something we’ve been doing for years.” He went on to note that he’s not familiar with what Microsoft’s doing because “I don’t have a lot of time to look at what other people are doing.” That, Mr. Miyamoto, is very telling.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii’s star system is a nice try, but oh so dull.

Wii developers have added in-game achievements in their projects for years — Retro Studios, for example, incorporated “tokens” into Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, and then brought that idea back for the Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime 2: Echoes ports for Metroid Prime Trilogy. But those achievements are locked down to the games, so while there is a sense of satisfaction in securing these awards, it’s only a personal one with very little opportunity to show it off.

It is, admittedly, a technical hurdle if an achievement system was added to the Wii this late in the game. Just like Sony’s growing pains by incorporating the idea more than a year after the PlayStation’s release, if Nintendo started with its system now we’d see similar problems, which most notably would be the early lack of support due to a slow push to a standard. And with Nintendo’s current “no patching games after release” policy on Wii, existing games couldn’t even be updated with the feature outside of re-issuing a brand new disc with the support. And while the enticement of achievements might be a good drive for gamers to double-dip, I’m sure many players would have a hard time paying full price a second time just to get the badges.

But the Wii at least has the basics for an achievement system – it just needs to pull the trigger to get it done. While there’s no way of “logging in” with user accounts in the current Wii firmware, the Wii can be linked to an online account via Club Nintendo and the Wii Shop Channel. And at the very least, as the Message Board and Nintendo Channel prove, the Wii records which games are being played and how long gamers have been playing them. There’s a basic foundation here for a full-on accomplishment system, but Nintendo needs to take it one step further.

Returning to Wii Sports Resort for a second, the “Stamp” system isn’t just a good start, it’s also a great name if Nintendo ever decides to embrace the idea of persistent achievements. My passport is “stamped” every time I enter a country, and I see my document booklet as a partial, personal achievement record: I’ve entered Japan, I got my stamp on September 17th, 2009. If anything, I’m on board with the “Stamp” naming structure.

Just look at what’s happening in Microsoft and Sony’s corner with its persistent accounts. Players can post their badges on Facebook and MySpace. They can check out friend’s scores on their iPhone.

Do I expect Nintendo to surprise us all in 2010 with a brand new firmware update that opens up an achievement standard on Wii? Not at all. I personally believe that those at Nintendo R&D, or the decision makers that call the shots on system wide features, don’t understand the importance something seemingly insignificant as an “e-penis” gamer score.

But there’s no doubt in my mind that the Wii system and random third-party games would be treated a lot more seriously with an achievement system in place.

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Want a headache? Invest in an Ipod…thanks Apple

11 Mar

Today I wanted to load some podcasts onto my Ipod, so I plugged it into the USB cable, then pulled up iTunes to sync it.  Apple told me the syncing was complete, yet the podcasts were nowhere to be found on the Ipod.  I could see and play them on iTunes, but that was it.  I want to be able to listen to them during my run, and those 5 miles are going to be a lot more difficult with a desktop PC tower strapped to my back the entire way.

In order to discover the podcasts weren’t on the Ipod, I had to first ”eject” the Ipod from iTunes (a tedious step, which involves finding the counterintuitive, tiny triangle that means “eject” on the iTunes screen – evidently it makes too much sense for Apple to spell out “eject” anywhere near that button).  So, when I plugged it back in, for whatever reason iTunes did not recognize my Ipod this time around.  I tried restarting iTunes a couple times, but no luck.  It also seemed my Ipod was frozen.  No big deal.  I’ll just turn it off.

Wait.  Where’s the On/Off button?  It also makes too much sense to have one of those, so Apple didn’t include one.  Yes, that’s right.  An electronic device in the 21st century without an On/Off switch…nice job Apple. 

If you can't figure out your I-wheel paperweight, Apple has customer support ready to talk to you..for $29 a pop.

After searching around on the Internet, it became apparent I needed to know what “generation” my Ipod was.  I looked on the front, the back, the USB cable, & my iTunes program…nothing said “4th Gen.” or anything like that.  So, finally I figured out it was an Ipod Nano, 4th Generation based on pictures of the different generations on Wikipedia (thank God for Wikipedia, a company that knows what it’s doing).

I then did some searching on how to shut this 4th-gen Ipod off – you have to hold the Menu button and the center button down together for 6-10 seconds…how intuitive.  If you locked me in a room for 3 days straight doing nothing but trying to figure out how to turn this thing off, I probably wouldn’t have thought of that.

I could understand all this if I was new to electronics and computers in general, but that is not the case.  I’ve been building websites, pages and blogs for almost 15 years, and worked in & around tech and communication firms for years, so I know my way around computers.  I was an early adopter of CDs, mini-disc players, and various sound editing & mp3 programs so I probably know more than the average person about this kind of thing, yet everything with the Ipod is counterintuitive with me.  I’m sure there are thousands of teeny boppers rocking out to Justin Bieber who figured out how to use their Ipods, so why can’t I?  

Who is designing this thing?  Why doesn’t it do what it’s supposed to?  Why are there no directions?  Why is everything a symbol rather than English?  Why didn’t these problems come up with test consumer groups?  Where’s BASF when you need them?  So many questions…

Here’s one more: Why does Apple’s customer support disown you after 90 days?  Even for the 1st 90 days you own your Ipod, you’re only allowed to call once with a problem – after that you have to pay $29 for Apple’s tech guys to diagnose your problem.  Yes, that’s right, not free, not $2.90, it’s $29 to ask a question.  I know b/c I called & had to discontinue the call - we were nearing the point where Apple might actually give me diagnostic advice, which would trigger a fee. 

Apple’s website says “Most Apple software and hardware products include unlimited complimentary support incidents within the first 90 days of product ownership.”  However, this does not include the Ipod.  This wouldn’t have helped me anyway, but maybe this advice can help someone out there who recently bought an Ipod.

 Don’t even get me started on using the iTunes program, trying to find functional car adapters for the thing, or getting it to warn you you’re close to maxing out your storage space on the Ipod’s hdd (hard drive) so you can easily delete songs to clear up space. 

Oh, and I didn’t just get this thing yesterday.  I received it as a very thoughtful gift over 2 years ago to use when I work out, and unfortunately have struggled to ever get it to perform well despite trying really hard to figure it out.  Oh well.  Maybe I’ll just invest in a CD player or a vintage Walkman – maybe Best Buy still sells them?

In closing, here’s a hilarious rant by someone else driven crazy by their Ipod back in 2008, enjoy.

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Sights from The Arnold Classic in Columbus, OH this past weekend featuring Ray Lewis & Jay Cutler

7 Mar

The 2011 Arnold Classic was filled with its usual bevy of fitness babes & bodybuilders, plus a few A-listers & top-flight athletes.  This year’s headliners included “The Governator” Arnold himself, Ray Lewis, Tony Gonzalez, Carmen Electra, Franco Harris & Kurt Angle. 

While it consistently rained just about all of Friday & Saturday outdoors, indoors the climate was wildly different from 1 day to the next.  Friday afternoon had the lightest amount of foot traffic I’ve ever seen at The Arnolds – it was a relative piece of cake to get where I needed & make my way around almost all of the main aisles in under a few hours. 

Saturday was a horse of a different color – purely wall to wall visitors, at times making it almost impossible to get where you needed to go in a timely fashion.  In fact, it was the most crowded I had EVER seen the EXPO (& that’s saying something).  Despite the packed environment on Saturday, Day 2 of The Arnolds was worth experiencing as well due to surprise photo ops in the EXPO hall with Franco & Kurt, who had otherwise only been available at the adjacent Hyatt hotel on Friday afternoon. 

Take a look below to get a slice of the action!

The Arnold Classic is about the only place not titled "The Rhinestone Cowboy" where a guy looking like this can have girls looking like that who are all too happy to wrap their arms around him for a photo.

 

The main competetion stage at the EXPO featured bodybuilding's elite coming out to their theme music (the "Gladiator" movie score was popular) along with 2 silver screens showing their highlights. That will get your adrenaline pumping!

 

Ravens star linebacker Ray Lewis had crowds waiting over 75 minutes for a photo op with him. Thanks to his supplement sponsor, Twinlab, fans came away with a free picture in protective plastic plus some free samples/gear. Even if you hate the Ravens, it was tough not to respect Lewis, the off-field gentleman.

 

Mr. Olympia Jay Cutler had fans lining up for hours at his Muscletech command center, & appeared totally engaged & thrilled to meet every one of them! This is a Jay Cutler whose toughness cannot be questioned.

 

This is a fitness expo, not a car show...still, I didn't see any guys complaining about the presence at this booth.

 

BSN had quite the outpost for the 2011 Arnolds, but didn't seem to be giving away quite as many free samples. If you wanted their super-durable bag to haul your supplement loot in this year, you had to buy something from their kiosk to get it.

Here's some man candy for the ladies just to keep things fair - this guy looked familiar, perhaps he's in the Bowflex ads or hawks TotalGyms with Chuck Norris.

 

Bodybuilding legend Dexter Jackson had his usual table set up near BSN's headquarters.Here's some man candy for the ladies to keep things fair - I think this guy does the Bowflex ads or hawks TotalGyms with Chuck Norris - he definitely looked familiar from TV but I couldn't place him.

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